I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
