i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
