I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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