I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
