i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
