My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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