You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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