Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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