I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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