I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Two words: blizzard sex
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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