K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
