Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
