I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
