Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
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