Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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