I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
