yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
