During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
