in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
