i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
