I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
