This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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