New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
