Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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