I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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