So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
