Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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