I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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