people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
