I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
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wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
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Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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