this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
