just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
