Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
