Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
