ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
