im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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