you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
