So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
