you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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