If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
