Say something about gay babies.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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