If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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