How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
