he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have fence marks all over my body
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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