I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
