why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
