If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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