I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
