On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
