Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
