Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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