I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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