The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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