I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I puked a lego.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
50% drunk capacity currently
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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