I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
