So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
