I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
