Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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