I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
