Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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