Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
