I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
