My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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