did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
