Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
