I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
