just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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