I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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