if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
