Im at strip club and am horny
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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