It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
