What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
