Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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