Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
