I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
